GLOBAL WARMING ALERT!

If you hear a knock on your door late at night, DO NOT ANSWER. It could be GLOBAL WARMING! Yes, with the help of the Democrats' Global Warming is at it again, terrorizing Liberals and enviro-whackos everywhere. GW, as it likes to be called, has reportedly wreaked havoc on the ice covered Arctic and Antarctic and is now moving toward America.

"Within three months GW will be melting orange Slushies in your town," say "scientists." "Temperatures could reach the upper eighties by July and into the nineties by August." Famous friend of GW, almost president Al, Is it hot or is it just me? Gore predicts that air conditioner use will double or even triple by June. "GW is real, and it's here to stay, in a few months," says the ex-VP, "Lock your doors and bar your windows."

Interviewed in its posh lake house in San Paulo, Brazil Global Warming had this to say. "I plan to take over the whole world, or at least the Northern Hemisphere. Temperatures will rise dramatically. In Georgia people will perspire. Hairy men will be seen wearing muscle shirts. Weight impared women will spill out of their yellow or pink stretch pants and halter tops while wandering around Wal~Mart Stores. I will show no mercy. With the Democrats taking over Congress in January, a wave of hot air will pour out of Washington, DC the likes of which you haven't seen since weathermen got the green screen. Why, the humidity emanating from Ted Kennedy alone will be enough to warm Boston for several years! This will be a big help for me," GW said with a sneer on its sweat dappled lips.

So, lock up your ice cream sandwiches, GW is on its sweaty way.