The following is a transcript of a call to the terrorist group Al Qaeda that was intercepted through US intelligence wiretaps.

(Phone rings) Hello, Praise Allah!
You have reached the Al Qaeda Terrorist Network. All of our operators are busy now. Your call is important to us, so please hold for the next available operator or press NINE now to choose another option. Death to Israel and America!

(Click – Buzz) If you wish to receive information about joining Al Qaeda in its Holy fight against the Zionist State of Israel and Imperalist America, please press ONE now.

If you wish to volunteer your child to be a suicide bomber for the cause, press TWO now.

If you would like to receive a copy of our informative pamphlet "Al Qaeda, Allah and You" please press THREE now.

If you wish to schedule a tour of Al Qaeda International Headquarters, press FOUR now.

If you are with the New York Times and you wish to pass on sensitive information to an Al Qaeda operative, press FIVE now and one will be with you shortly.

("Muskrat Love" begins playing in the background)