A Treatise on the Soul of Al Gore

Gore (gore) clotted blood and puss that is shed from a festering wound.

Disgusting untruths emerge from his mouth. He spews forth illogic as if it were pearls of golden wisdom presented to him by the gods themselves. I cannot abide him. He lambastes his friends and foes alike with words tinted with hate and destruction. Flowers wither and die in his sight. Though his countenance is pleasing his heart is foul and rotted. The feted odor of his words lingers long after his passing. Grass does not grow in the places where he has walked. The sun is dimmed and the stars hide their faces from him. How can a just God allow such an evil presence to spend one more minute on His beautiful green earth? Heaven help those who listen to his rantings.

Further from the truth one cannot get unless one communes with the Devil himself. Should we be required to sit among his followers in a darkened hall and soak in the barren waste that he vomits from his mouth? A professor of ignorance, he loves the sound of his own voice above that of all others. He has no desire to hear or even to admit the existence of anyone of a differing mindset than his own. How can one so dense and destructive be allowed to walk among men? Has not the Earth opened up and devoured others of his ilk in times past? What awaits him at the hour of his death? Does he expect to be greeted by his ancestors with their arms open to him? Does he think that God in all His wisdom desires to have near His Holy presence a soul as foul as this? The very saints themselves would draw back and cover their precious eyes in shame at his sight. The glory of the Throne would diminish in his presence.

One with such a black and diseased heart offers no hope to those around him. He offers only despair and destruction. Those who cling to his tattered robe will be carried forever on the rolls of the unwashed. The Book will be closed to them and eternity will be a sad and desolate time for them all.

I want to apologize for Slavery.

Well, the REVEREND Al Sharpton found out that Strom Thurmond’s Great-great-great-great-great Uncle once owned some slaves. And this relative of Thurmond’s was named Sharpton! So, now we, white folks, are suppose to apologize to the world for slavery. I have done some research and my relatives have been in this country since the late 1600’s. As far as I know no one in my family ever owned a single slave. But, just to be fair about it I want to apologize for the treatment of slaves in this country. Although I am not quite sure just to whom I am apologizing, since there is no one now alive who was a slave in the 1800's. At least I don't think so.

March 9, 2007

Dear Reverends Jackson, Sharpton, and the Folks at the NAACP.

Hello. I want to take this opportunity to personally apologize to all Black and Brown people for Slavery, and for the fact that one or more of their ancestors might have once been held in slavery without their permission. My family did not own any slaves as far as I know. I understand that this is no excuse. Since I am a white Southern male, I must be guilty of something. I don’t know everything about my ancestors, and we do have some shady characters lurking in our family tree . My great-grandfather, on my father’s side once owned a large farm in Virginia. I understand that he worked this farm using sharecroppers for labor. Come to think of it sharecroppers were just like slaves except they were not treated quite as well and I think these sharecroppers were white people as the mountains of western Virginia never had very many Black people residing there to start with. He made moonshine liquor, too, I understand.

Any way, I digress. I am truely, deeply sorry, and I am personally mortified that there were slaves held in this country up until about 1865. While I had no personal hand in this tragedy at the time, rest assured that had I been around then, and had I known about slavery, I would have urged in the strongest of language that an immediate stop be put to this practice. Please accept my sincere apology and my assurance that I will never, ever own any slaves, black, white, oriental or mixed race. Slavery is wrong. Again, I am sorry.

Respectfully,
A Decendent of Former Non-Slave Owners

P.S.
By the way, my ancestors on my mother’s side came from Lancashire, England. They were Lancasters, but not the rich kind of Lancasters. These were serfs of the Earl of Lancaster. In the Middle Ages these folks worked on the Earl’s estate and they took his title as their surname. Example: Bill from Lancashire became Bill Lancaster. For their work my ancestors received no money. They were allowed to build a small hut on the Earl’s land. They could till a very small piece of land for food, and they could pick up any limbs that blew down from the Earl’s trees to use as firewood. In turn for this bounty, my ancestors were allowed to work the Earl’s fields from sun to sun, every day but Sunday. They served in his personal army, and they gave their lives for him. When my ancestors died, they were buried in unmarked graves on the Earl’s land, and their belongings reverted to the Earl of Lancaster’s estate. Also, the Earl got to name their children at birth. Because of this, my ancestor Lancasters left England and came to America for a better life. They were indentured servants, here. They had to work for free for seven years to pay off their passage across the Atlantic.

It was worse on my father's side. They were Irish.

I am waiting for my apology for the treatment of my ancestors to arrive from the Queen of England. It should be here any day, now. You know how slow the overseas post can be.

A. D. O. F.N.S.O