The following is a transcript of a call to the terrorist group Al Qaeda that was intercepted through US intelligence wiretaps.

(Phone rings) Hello, Praise Allah!
You have reached the Al Qaeda Terrorist Network. All of our operators are busy now. Your call is important to us, so please hold for the next available operator or press NINE now to choose another option. Death to Israel and America!

(Click – Buzz) If you wish to receive information about joining Al Qaeda in its Holy fight against the Zionist State of Israel and Imperalist America, please press ONE now.

If you wish to volunteer your child to be a suicide bomber for the cause, press TWO now.

If you would like to receive a copy of our informative pamphlet "Al Qaeda, Allah and You" please press THREE now.

If you wish to schedule a tour of Al Qaeda International Headquarters, press FOUR now.

If you are with the New York Times and you wish to pass on sensitive information to an Al Qaeda operative, press FIVE now and one will be with you shortly.

("Muskrat Love" begins playing in the background)

My Top Ten Worst Vehicles I Have Owned, So Far...

10. 1987 Saab 900S - A fast little car but mega expensive to have worked on, which it needed regularly.

9. 1974 Chevy Vega- 72 MPH up hill or down, 18 MPG, leaked like Noah's Flood when it rained. The Vega burned oil and smoked, but the coating of burnt oil helped control the rust.

8. 1971 Super Beetle - Had air-conditioning. Slowed down 10 MPH when the compressor kicked in. It was slow, uncomfortable, and not very good on gas.

7. 1987 Mazda RX-7 - The rotory engine got better mileage the faster you drove it. So I drove it wide open all the time, which made it burn oil. It Leaked in the rain, and would spin out at the first drop of rain on the pavement.

6. 1971 Ford F-100 Pickup. Had the 360 V8. The right-rear spark plug was impossible to change. I had to remove the fender liner to get to it. Big time gas guzzler.

5. 1975 Chevrolet C-10 Pickup. Rode like a saddle sore camel. 8 MPG on the road. Wore out tires at 10,000 miles. The dealership's explaination was, "That's just the way they are."

4. 1971 Suzuki Motorcycle - 125 cc, 2 cycle engine smoked like the Orient Express. 35 MPH top speed. Had to kick start like a zillion times before it would run.

3. 1977 Chrysler Cordoba - Big, ugly, gas guzzler, leaked oil, parts fell off in the road awful car.

2. 1965 Ford Galaxie 500 - bought it when I got out of the Army in 1971. It was under powered with the 289 V8. The Galaxie was big, ugly and it ran hot every time I drove it. I finally traded it for a 1970 VW Bug. The Bug was one of the best cars I have owned.

And the ABSOLUTE worst vehicle I have owned, so far, was...

1. 1975 AMC Pacer X - I bought this car new in 1975 because of the gas crisis, big mistake. I would roast like a pig on a spit on a hot day with the air-conditioner set on zero because of all the glass in the car. The Pacer was powered by a reject Cheverolet in-line six cylinder engine with a one barrell carburetor. Top speed was around 75 MPH. It took about three city blocks to achieve that speed. The doors were so heavy you had to slam them to get them to shut. Then when you opened the doors the next time the door panels would fall off in the driveway. The rear hatch lid weighed about 200 pounds and the lift cylinders wore out in about a week. I finally gave up and used a broom stick to prop up the hatch. Sometimes while I was driving the Pacer it would just quit running. I would get out, open the hood and shake some wires, and it might start up and run. Some days this would happen two or three times. The dealership couldn't or wouldn't fix the problem. This car looked and drove like it was designed by first graders on acid. It was an ugly abortion of a car!

Cynthia McKenney, the Georgia US Representative who lost her bid for re-election, basically because she is a racist lunatic, is blaming her loss on electronic voting machines. She wants to get rid of them. McKenney, who is black, says electronic voting machines are unfair to minorities. I wonder, If Georgia still used paper ballots and Ms. McKenney still lost her bid for re-election would she want to do away with pencils? Just asking.

As for electronic voting machines being unfair to minorities, her opponent was a black man. Maybe electronic voting machines are only unfair to minority women, or minority lunatics like McKenney.

So, the UN has finally brokered a "cease fire" plan between the Isralies and the murderers who call themselves the Hezbollah. The UN has tried really hard to create a plan that will allow Hezbollah to regroup and rearm while keeping those mean old Isralies at bay. Those folks at the UN really love a terrorist organization, don't they? Hopefully this cease fire will go the way of all UN brokered deals and fall flat on its face. Then the Isralies can get back to killing Moslem terrorists.

By the way, I hear that the British are going to, GASP!, start profiling for terrorists at their airports, etc. Now get this, the British are going to quit searching through ninety-year old ladies suitcases and start scanning for young Arab looking men to search! How on earth can they do this? Don't they know that these young Arabs will get their feelings hurt? If the British don't know just how un-politically correct profiling is I am sure that the American Democratic Party will be glad to tell them. That begs the question, just when are we in America going to wake up and start profiling for Arab terrorists and quit making every Tom, Dick and Harriett take off his/her shoes in our airports? Aside: Has any shoe bomber ever been successful in lighting his/her shoes and blowing anything up? Just asking.

Cudoes to the British. They finally get it. MOST TERRORIST ACTS IN THE LAST FEW YEARS HAVE BEEN COMMITTED BY YOUNG MOSLEM ARAB MEN, not five year old kids or blue haired old ladies. We profile all the time. If you are in a Catholic Church and you see a guy in a black robe you assume he is a some kind of priest. If you are in in prison and you see a guy dressed in stripes with a chain around his leg, you assume he is a prisoner. Likewise, if you are in Washington DC and you see a politician, you assume that he is a lying crook. Yeah, profiling works.

President Bush has finally called the radical Islamic murderers by their true name, Islamic Fascists. Now, that it has been said out in the open in plain and simple, easy to understand language by a major world leader maybe, just maybe, we can begin to treat these cowardly dogs as the enemies to freedom and democracy that they are. Islamic fascists are not people who respect the rights of others to live their lives as they wish. These people live in a Dark Ages world ruled by ugliness and fear. The only deities that these hooligans worship are the gods of distruction, murder, and hate. That the world would be a better place without radical Islam goes without saying. These gangsters have hijacked the Moslem religion and are using it as a vehicle to carry out their evil in the world.

It is debatable why the Moslem world will not rise up and destroy these vermin in their midst who debase the Moslem religion. What is not debatable is the fact that radical Islam is destroying one of the the world's three great religions. Radical Islam will not defeat the Christian and Jewish Western World. It is not going to happen! Evil will always lose in the end. The Islamists are living in a world of false hopes and pipe dreams if they think that free people will just sit by and allow them to run amok. It will not be long before the great silent rational majority in the world rises up and grabs this venomous snake by the neck cuts off its head. When the radical Islamist Facists go down they will bring the Moslem world with them. The future is bleak for radical islam and those countries which support terrorism. Presently, they are too blinded by the promises of their false prophets to see it.

Just as the Nazis before them, Islam is doomed to fail in its plan to rule the world. The hand writing is already on the wall, but the Imams and Mullas can't read the message because it is written in Hebrew and English.

To my great surprise in my mail, today, along with the usual bills and sale flyers I had a letter from Ex-Vice President Al Gore, who would have been our fourty-third president but for the fact that he lost the election. Now, this was quite a shock to me because I am neither a Democrat nor a member of any odd ball left-wing organizations. So, why on Earth would Al Gore, who would have been our fourty-third president but for the fact that he lost the election, be writing to me? Shaking in anticipation I tore open the envelope.

Well, it turns out that Mr. Gore, who would have been our fourty-third president but for the fact that he lost the election, was not contacting me for my thoughts on global warming, the problems in the Middle East, the internet, or any other earth shaking events. I would have been glad to express my opinions on any topic about which he chose to quiz me, but no! Mr. Gore, who would have been our fourty-third president but for the fact that he lost the election, wanted me to donate between twenty-five and five hundred dollars to the Democratic National Committee (DNC) so that more Democrats could be elected to public office. Had Mr. Gore known me better he would have surmised that the last thing I want to do is elect more Democrats to public office.

So, I took the donation card and wrote the following note to Mr. Gore, who would have been our fourty-third president but for the fact that he lost the election, on it. I quote:

Dear Al,
In reference to your nice personal note requesting that I donate my hard earned dollars to the DNC, after a lot of thought, I respectfully decline your kind offer. Your recent movie, An Inconvenient Truth, has convinced me that global warming (GW) will soon end all life on Earth. So, I can see no useful purpose in donating my money to the DNC. After all, if all life ceases to exist why would we need to elect Democrats, or any one else to public office? Wouldn’t that just be a waste of time? And, since GW is going to wipe out life on Earth, what good will my money be to the DNC? Who would be left to spend it? These are questions that need to be answered, quickly.

So, in conclusion, Al, you can chalk up my lack of a substantial donation to the DNC directly to the effects of global warming.

Respectfully,
Bob

I then carefully placed the card in the conveniently provided pre-stamped return envelope. I did not place my own first class stamp on it, as Al suggested, even though he assured me that by sacrificing my own thirty-nine cent stamp the DNC would be able use the thirty-nine cents it saved on postage to elect another Democrat. Well, it seems to me that at thirty-nine cents each Democrats sure come cheap! I thought it took about $90,000 wrapped in tin foil and hidden in a freezer , or at the very least the affections of a young intern, to buy one.

Mr. Gore, who would have been our fourty-third president but for the fact that he lost the election, should have saved the original thirty-nine cents that he spent mailing the donation request to me in the first place. Then maybe two Democrats could be elected .