GLOBAL WARMING ALERT!

If you hear a knock on your door late at night, DO NOT ANSWER. It could be GLOBAL WARMING! Yes, with the help of the Democrats' Global Warming is at it again, terrorizing Liberals and enviro-whackos everywhere. GW, as it likes to be called, has reportedly wreaked havoc on the ice covered Arctic and Antarctic and is now moving toward America.

"Within three months GW will be melting orange Slushies in your town," say "scientists." "Temperatures could reach the upper eighties by July and into the nineties by August." Famous friend of GW, almost president Al, Is it hot or is it just me? Gore predicts that air conditioner use will double or even triple by June. "GW is real, and it's here to stay, in a few months," says the ex-VP, "Lock your doors and bar your windows."

Interviewed in its posh lake house in San Paulo, Brazil Global Warming had this to say. "I plan to take over the whole world, or at least the Northern Hemisphere. Temperatures will rise dramatically. In Georgia people will perspire. Hairy men will be seen wearing muscle shirts. Weight impared women will spill out of their yellow or pink stretch pants and halter tops while wandering around Wal~Mart Stores. I will show no mercy. With the Democrats taking over Congress in January, a wave of hot air will pour out of Washington, DC the likes of which you haven't seen since weathermen got the green screen. Why, the humidity emanating from Ted Kennedy alone will be enough to warm Boston for several years! This will be a big help for me," GW said with a sneer on its sweat dappled lips.

So, lock up your ice cream sandwiches, GW is on its sweaty way.

My Democrat Plan for America

The recent election which placed the Democrats in power means that the Demos have to come up with some kind of plan for running the country. Since they have, as of this writing, not been able to devise a coherent plan of action I have taken it upon myself to do it for them. Here is my Democrat Plan for America.

1. We must cut and run from Iraq. We must make sure the exit is a messy affair and, most important, we must blame it all on the Republicans and the Bush Administration. It is imperative that this action be completed immediately so that our Al Qaeda allies can proceed with our mutual goal of destroying America.

2. We must throw the nation's boarders open so that more potential Democrat voters can enter this country illegally. Amnesty for illegal aliens is vital. Amnesty will increase our power base and further our goal of weakening America. Amnesty will bring the US more in line with the liberal thinking of our European friends.

3.We must create an expensive, useless, Eurpoean type Health Care Plan that, we, Democrats, will control to care for our new consitiuents. This plan should shift its substantial costs to the middle class. It is important that this Health Care Plan be mandatory for all.

4. We must immediately begin the impeachment of President Bush. Though the American people don’t want this, and we have no hope of success, the process must be drawn out over the next two years so that we will not have to deal with any real problems.

5. We must install John Murtha or some other radical left-wing nut in a position of extreme importance, such as House Majority Whip, so that his radical rantings can be heard and enjoyed by all. Also, we must do something about Cindy Sheehan now that she has become irrelevant.

6. We must make gay marriage legal in all states and the District of Columbia plus Puerto Rico and all outlying possessions. It is very important that our homosexual friends be able to legally consummate their unions, however it is that they do that. We must try to include interspecies marriage and marriage between humans and inanimate objects for our supporters in San Francisco.

7. We must work to outlaw Christianity as soon as possible. Unlike Islam, Christianity is a dangerous, violent religion that preaches hate and prejudice. We must strive to make Kennedy Worship the new national religion.

8. We must raise taxes as high as possible to pay for all the social programs we plan to pass. We must improve the tax code by adding one thousand new amendments, thus increasing the, already, indecipherable mess into an unholy, God awful total disaster.

9. We must shift money from the military budget into our social programs where we can better control those funds. After all, once we cut and run from Iraq we won't need the military any more. We will leave the military enough money to purchase new socks for the troops, who we love and support.

10. We must work to ban talk radio. People like Rush Limbaugh and Neal Boortz are so negative. We must make the beloved Al Franken the spokesperson for our country. After all, his AIR AMERICA program was such a big success.

In conclusion, we must try to screw up the country so badly that people will be sick of us, Democrats, by 2008, and thus re-elect the Republicans to majorities in the House and Senate as well as the Presidency. Then they can clean up the mess we have made, and we can go back to whining and complaining without having to offer any actual useful solutions to any problems that might arise.

Well, that's quite a lot of work to do in just two years. Democrats, get busy!