Entertainer to Run for President

IEN News, Hollywood:
Noted sponsor of Liberal causes and self-proclaimed “singer” Barbara Striesand, a Democrat, announced in a press conference today that she is nosing her way into the 2008 US presidential race. A written statement was passed out by the star’s husband, the former actor James Brolin Striesand (Marcus Welby MD). The statement said, quote, “I has decided to run for precident of the Untied States of America and to the Republik for widgett stands. I am bacing my candyacy on a platforme of I hate every thing Jeorge Bushes has done, and I hate Republikans!” end quote.

Miss Striesand, long known for her biting and insightful political commentary and her King Soloman-like intelligence, then took questions from the assembled press. After answering numerous queries about her sleek outfit by ultra-hip designer Wang-Chung, she was asked whom she would choose to be her running mate in the upcoming election. The famed producer and title star of the Jimmy Durante Story said quote, “I has given a lot of thought to who my running mate might be, but I has not made that decision, yet. It will definately be a minority, though. Maybe, a new arrived wetback or a black or something like that, ” end quote. Striesand continued on to express her strong support for retroactive abortion, an open border between the United States and California, voting rights for trees, half-way houses for the criminally insane, and quote, "all kinds of rights and stuff for everybody," end quote.

The nasally enhanced entertainer recently held a charity event the “Concert to Entertain the Poor” in Los Angles. The fifteen hundred dollar apiece tickets were quickly snapped up by the Hollywood elite and high-ranking Democratic Party officials. No poor people were in attendance.


(The above is parody, not to be confused with real news which is parody as well.)

OH GOD, THE EARTH IS AT ITS WARMEST TEMPERATURES IN 2000 YEARS. WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!! And it's all our fault.

At least that is what ABC News and the leftists who support them would like you to believe. ABC is planning a big, "How Global Warming Has Affected Me" whinefest. They want you to write in and tell them how your life has been shattered by GLOBAL WARMING! Lets see... hum...well there's... no that's not Global Warming thats Erectile Disfunction. Say, did Global Warming cause Angelina Jolie to be such an ass? If so that has very negatively affected me. Anyway, what happened to the new iceage that the media were predicting was just around the corner?

The truth is that in the past 100 years the Earth has warmed up less than one degree, average temperature. I hardly think that we are all going to keel over with heat prostration due to a less that one degree increase in average temperature. Yes, it still gets hot in the summer and cold in the winter, thank you, God.

Liberals say the Antarctic icecap is melting. Not so. It is getting thicker. look it up for yourself.

Liberals say the oceans will rise and wipe our coastal cities off the map. Not so. Question: does your glass run over as your ice cubes melt in your rum and coke? Answer: no. Well, same for the oceans. Even if the icecaps do melt. The volume of water in the oceans will not increase. The laws of Physics don't change just because a bunch of psudoscientists want them to.

Liberals say the hole in the ozone is deep frying us to a crispy golden brown, (unless you happen to be brown, then you are getting darker, no offense intended). They have been predicting that kind of doom for over twenty years. Nothing's happened yet.

Liberals say Global Warming is all America's fault. Not so, infact there are less hydrocarbons in the atmosphere over America now than there were 100 years ago due to the reduction in the use of coal as a major power source. Automobile emissions are much cleaner now than they they ever have been. Who are the real poluters? China, India, Russia all produce many times more polutants percapita than the US does.

So, I say let's email ABC News and tell them our GW horror stories, or just email them and tell them what ambulance chasing putzes they are for continuing to push a liberal psudoscience myth. Here is the address:

http://abcnews.go.com/International/story?id=2094224

Have we become a nation of imbeciles incapable of making our own decisions in life? Are we so weak of character that we must depend upon others to protect us from ouselves? According to John Stossel (ABC's 20/20) politicians and lawyers would have you believe that to be fact. Obviously, we are too dense to realize that we shouldn't use an electric hair dryer while we are asleep. So, businesses must spend thousands of dollars, thanks to assinine legislation, to afix lables to their products warning us not to use hair dryers in bed and not to eat fishing lures. Yes, fishing lures carry just such a warning lable thanks to a California (where else?) class action suit.

Government regulation brought on by thousand of class action lawsuits cost this country billions of dollars in needless expenses that drive up consumer costs. For example: Non-lawyers who try to help people fill out legal forms such as wills and non-contested divorces can be arrested and jailed for their efforts. One bookkeeper who worked as a document assistant to indigents and poor people had his bookkeeping business ruined by the legal system. He became an indigent himself. What was his crime? He dared to charge only $90 to do the same thing that lawyers were charging $250 to do. Lawyers have succeeded, with the help of friendly judges and generous donations to political groups, in pushing through government legislation that virtually gaurantees them a monopoly in the business of legal aid.

John Stossel's latest book MYTHS, LIES AND DOWNRIGHT STUPIDITY (Hyperion, NY 2006) gives example after example of government incompetence, interference, and meddling in our lives. Once a liberal consumer reporter Mr. Stossel's years of reporting have convinced him that less government is better and that we have way too many lawyers with too much time on their hands. I suggest you buy this book and read it ...twice.

Submitted to Amazon.com 2/6/06 as a book review.